You can use them. But you need to remember that you will spend a decent amount of time with testing and learning this cookbooks. Other case - use chef and write you own recipe based on default HOW_TO to setup rails application and what you need. Everywhere when you use chef cookbook's - add time to their study and testing. Automating needed in those places where it is absolutely necessary and can save a time.
That's good approach, but you should learn packaging system policy's documents. This is not easy way. But it's is you right.
3) What's the recommended way to get Ruby on the system? I am not very keen on the idea of using rvm on servers, but system packages tend to lag too. What is recommended?You don't have a another way except using rvm or rbenv. Better to use rvm and install them for the user. Why better - because rvm more elegant way to use ruby on the system. There are a good cookbook chef-rvm to do it.
Passenger is a default app server (Should be enough).See passenger cookbook if you wish to install them with chef. But in simple approach I recommend to install them manually with chef bash scripts. You can see a redmine cookbook for example.
5) What about database stuff? I see there's a database cookbook with some powerful tools, and a mysql cookbook, but should I try to seed the database with Chef or do that manually?You can use database cookbook, but you pay for that you time. In a simple production case just create a db manually and connect to it from you application. If you need to create a test environment then use database cookbook (recipe) for complete deploy test environment in vagrant machine with kitchen.ci for example. I think this is a very simple use case.
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